Random, yet somehow circularly related, thoughts

I know Amanda hates when people title things "Random" but this really is random since I haven't been writing in here lately. Here's some of my recent "random" thoughts.

1. We have lived here almost 4 years and I have decided that I have three favorite things about living here: the flowers that are in bloom right now outside our door (I know nothing about flowers so I don't know what they are called); the pretty deep pink to pale pink blossoms on the tree every spring; and watching the geese that live in the pond across from our place raise new babies every summer.

2. I watch the geese and I feel sad for them. I believe that they started this particular spring with 6 babies, but now there are only 4. That makes me feel sad for them, on a parental level. Although, as I watch cars stopped to let them cross the road or sit in the middle or whatever they have selected to do, I wonder if those on the street would feel the same empathy for Canadian Geese.

3. Have you ever seen those shows where a child dies and the parents put some kind of object that the child really liked in the coffin? I started thinking about this as I was thinking about the 2 MIA baby geese. I don't think I could put my children's favorite things in with them and away from me. It makes me sad to think about.

4. I have this stuffed dog named Annie. She was purchased as a gift for my ex-fiance, back when we were first dating. When we broke up, the night before I moved out, we spent part of the evening in the kitchen arguing over who owned which bowls and silverware and stuff like that. I think that the way that he behaved partially led to my taking Annie. That and I was sad and needed Annie. And hindsight being what it is, I am glad that I took her, because I think 2003 proved to be a year in which I needed her more than he did. That was a tough year and I was glad to have Annie. I'm sorry G. I'm sorry that you came home to find that the stuffed dog I gave you was gone. But I am glad that I had her in 2003.

5. Has anyone ever read "Flowers for Algernon"? That book is sad. It poses the moral and ethical question: If science had the capability to raise someone's mental capacity, should it be done? If you have never read it, you should check it out. When I asked my BFF if she had read it and told her the premise, she asked what I think. I don't really know how to answer. Although, if the results would be like they were in the book, then I would have to say no.

Same song

Have you ever been in your car listening to the radio and gotten bored with the song that was on? Have you ever changed it to find that another station is playing the exact same song? I have. And when this happens, the first thing that pops into my head is I begin to wonder if someone in the band died that more than one station would be playing the song at the same time. Well, I only think this if the song isn't currently in the top 20. This happened today and I wondered if Jason Mraz was okay because his song was on two stations.

Speaking of Jason Mraz, after his song Dave Matthews came on and it made me think of that skit from SNL where the cast is dressed up as Jason Mraz, Jack Johnson and Dave Matthews and they are on "The Mellow Show". The one I am thinking of has the real Dave Matthews playing Ozzie Osbourne making fun of Dave Matthews. That skit is so funny.

1 year ago today

So one year ago, at this hour, I was finding out that I was fully dialated and that I wasn't going to be getting the epidural that I had been hoping to get. In less than one hour, I would be greeting my brand new baby boy...

I have to say that it's strange to put your baby to bed saying "happy birthday" knowing he isn't even one yet.

But HAPPY BIRTHDAY anyway, my little prince. Mommy loves you.

Mixed bag

So I have been feeling a mixed bag of emotions since yesterday afternoon. Let me explain what all is going on.

1. Lukin went with my parents to Fargo for the week. Little P and I will fly up there either Friday or Saturday for the weekend and come back by Monday as we have things going on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of next week.

2. In Lukin going, he will miss his baby brother's first birthday. (Sonny says not to feel sad about this because Lukin thinks that Parker's birthday was on Saturday when we had the party.) That and Parker won't even know that Lukin missed his birthday, again because the party was over the weekend.

3. Parker turns one tomorrow. I am super excited for him to turn one, but sad at the same time. When he turns one, that shows that he is getting bigger and more independent and my little baby won't be my little baby anymore.

4. This is the last week of school. That always creates conflicting emotions because I always get attached to my kids and want to see them do well and always have to hope that they will continue to do well without me. One student realized today was the last day that she will see me and she gave me a great big hug. Then she said those words that made me sad: "I'll see you next year." I never know how to handle those words. Part of me wants to be honest with the kids, and part of me wants to protect them from feeling sad. So I usually don't tell the kids.

So all in all, a pretty mixed bag. Some exciting things happening this week and some sad things happening. Some both. Actually, most are both.

5. The final thing I am worried about was a rumor I had heard at work. I had heard that last year a couple people received the letter telling them that they weren't going to receive a continuing contract and then were called in and fired on the last day anyway. I'm nervous about that. I haven't done anything to get fired over, but I am nervous anyway. I just want to do the things that I need to do (see the kids, finish up paperwork, etc.) and not worry about that.

Focused

So, today I sent the boys to St. Peter without me so that I could get a bunch of stuff done. Of course, when it came time for the boys to leave, I got teary-eyed. Little P didn't seem to mind, but I was the one having a hard time with having a day at home without him.

Anyway, I left as soon as they left to get a couple errrands done. I completed one but couldn't complete the other because Kinko's wasn't open today.

Then I grabbed some lunch and came home. I sat down at the computer and worked from about 12:45 until about 2:15 then decided to take a break which was only supposed be 30 minutes. It turned into an hour long break as I decided to try out the Kaboom bathroom cleaner I had purchased. And if you know me and my cleaning ethic, you understand why my 30 minute break turned into an hour long one.

Then around 3:30, I came back to the computer and worked on some reports and stuff for work. I finished up all the work related things that I need to do at about 7:00 pm. So now, I have only two more things on my list to do, along with my regular get ready for school list.

However, I need to take a break from the stuff I need to do to pump. I realized that I didn't do it last night or this morning and I have been feeling it since this afternoon. This phasing nursing out thing isn't as easy as I had hoped. And for the life of me, I can't remember how I did it when L-train was little.

The mail

Sometimes all you need in order to keep on going is to get actual mail in the mail, something that breathes a new life into your plans for the future. It should keep you going for at least a little while.

To the zoo

If you know me, you know how much I LOVE (read with dripping sarcasm) hot weather. So, you may find it hard to believe that we packed up the whole family and went to the zoo today, with the temp at 87 with a heat index of 91. We met up with a college friend of my husband's and her little girl. We did both of the indoor exhibits before taking a break for an ice cream treat. Then we did venture outdoors to go to the Grizzly Coast to see the Grizzly Bears. They are always fun to see.

Needless to say, we needed a little down time, and something cool to drink, after the zoo for the boys' cheeks to switch back from rosy red to pale. But 30 minutes in the 'cool' 76 degrees made everyone feel refreshed. And even though baby and big brother did not have a nap prior to the zoo, neither fell asleep after, although daddy and I could have used a nap.