Couldn't be much more from the heart...

I don't even know where to begin this entry. It has been almost a week, if not more, since my last entry and I feel like so much has happened.

1. We went to Minot this weekend to see the Ouhl Sisters (of whom neither are any longer Ouhls). Kristi and I decided that we hadn't seen each other since her sister's wedding in November of 2001. Lisa and I decided that we hadn't seen each other since 2004, when Lisa and her husband stayed at my place over her 10 year reunion weekend. It was fun to see them. They really are fun cousins and I think we had a very fun time.On Friday we had a BBQ at Lisa's place on Base, and then Saturday I got to experience the ND State Fair for the first time. I actually got a little color, and no it wasn't a burn because I was slathering on the 50 proof baby sunscreen every 30 minutes or so...Lukin and I are so not getting skin cancer. Then on the flight home, we ended up sitting 1st class. It was fluke, but it had been a while and I had almost forgotten what it was like.

2. My cousin that lives in Bismarck, had her baby on Thursday. I'm not really sure if he was born early or not, but there were some complications. It is believed that he has Downs Syndrome, but they won't know for sure for 7 to 10 days (until the tests come back). My cousin sent out an email saying that she was scared, among the other emotions that run through a mother after she has a child. I will keep her in my prayers, and I will offer this thought, which my mother reminded me of: "God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle."

3. I did a little job shadowing/interviewing today. It was on the U of M campus. I'm not really sure which I was most apprehensive about: the job shadowing, the interview, or parking my car with UND plates on the U of M campus. No need to worry, my car was whole and nothing was missing when I returned after the 3 hours inside.

It was a really fascinating shadowing experience. Partly because that isn't typical procedure for someone applying for a position, and partly because I got to see a BMT client, (that stands for Bone Marrow Transplant), a patient that had esophageal atresia (not spelled correctly, I'm sure), and one patient that was a little over a year old and weighed a little over 7 pounds. The beauty was that I wasn't overwhelmed by any of it. It was just so interesting to not be bored.

4. My family: Lord knows I love them. However, they get so adament about seeing Lukin that they forget that about the details involved. Allow me to explain. When I called to tell my Dad that my cousin had her baby, he asked me when I was bringing Lukin up. He said, "My grandson misses me." I said that maybe I would bring him up this coming weekend, with it being Amanda's 30th and all. Well, Maybe equals definitely for them in terms of seeing Lukin. So now we are trying to work out a way for this to work for this weekend. My mother, however, has tomorrow (Wednesday) off and thinks that we should get there to be there for that. We can't make this happen. And I feel sort of bad, but I thought we had agreed the last time I was there that it was their turn to come see their grandson.

There's a few details that she doesn't think about when she wants us to come up. For example, how are we going to get from GF to Cavalier? She says that if we take Lukin up tomorrow, she will come and get him. I ask her what she will do with him on Thursday, and she says she will take him to work. And I know from the last time I was home that I certainly don't wanna go sit up there on Thursday while my mom works. She works until 9 pm and by the time she gets home it's 9:30. At least when I am at my house, Sonny comes home between 1:30 and 2:00. That's 8 less hours of waiting for someone to hang out with.

Granted, my sister will probably read this and say that she would be home. But last time I was home, it felt like she either didn't like Lukin and/or me enough to spend time with us, or was too crabby to spend time with us, or didn't know how to spend time with her sister and nephew without her boyfriend around. It felt like there was no quality sister time. It made me kinda sad and kinda defensive towards going up there again to spend the time between when she gets home and mom gets home alone versus with my sister. I jokingly said to Lukin on one of the nights when she was getting all gussied up for Mike to come over, "Remember when Stacie didn't have a Mike and we could hang out." She replied with, "Remember when your mom didn't have a Sonny and we could hang out." (Of course he doesn't. Without 'Mom' and 'Sonny', there would have been no Lukin.)

Anyway, so now I am stuck. I feel guilty that my parents haven't gotten to see Lukin in almost a month. I feel sad that if I go up there, my sister doesn't have time for us anymore. And yet, at the same time, I realize that if there weren't a Lukin, no one would call and whine that they hadn't seen me in a month (with the exception of Amanda, that is).