I'm growing old and I don't wanna know.

Last entry's song title: I'll Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab for Cutie

I have so much to rant about, I don't even know where to begin.

Let me start with education. Oh boy. First of all, I have to laugh as I say this but I swear that education is the only profession in which you get your pink slip and then are expected to work an additional three months or so. They say they do it that way so that you have adequate time to find another position for the next year. I think it's so that they can see how much of a sucker you are. Which brings me to my next point, what a waste of time my job is right now.

At this point of the year, it's basically crowd control. Most of the kids have checked out for the year. Hardly any of them are still in a frame of mind to learn anything. And then, we have these meetings talking about stuff for next year. I don't care. Unless, by some miracle, the woman who is apparently taking this job next year, changes her mind, I am pretty sure I don't care what you plan for next year. That might sound bitchy but I am having a hell of a time getting myself out of bed to come to work. And why shouldn't I? I can't find a reason to make myself want to do well. I mean, yes, I don't want any bad letters of rec following me around, but all the letters have been written. I have applied to all the open positions I can find. Will I find anything out before the end of the year? Who knows? But it leaves me feeling hopeless and helpless. You gotta love education.

I didn't do anything for my Memorial Day weekend. I just stayed at home with Lukin while Sonny worked. We didn't go anywhere because Daddy had the car seat and I forgot to have him leave it at the house before he left for work every day. So I had a lot of time to think. I realized that I am closing in on 30 quickly. In fact, I have 4 months and 6 days until I leave my 20s. That sucks. If you watch tv, you realize all ads are aimed at women in their 20s. They don't have ads for how beautiful you can look at 30. I hate it. I don't know that I have the idea of turning 30 as much as the idea of turning 30 how life is now.

As I went through my 20s, there were plenty of things I would have liked to change. However, being that it was my 20s, it was all part of the gig. I wish I would have had the knowledge and wisdom that I have now, but just not the age.

I don't want this to be the way it is when I turn 30. Aside from the things I want to be different about the way I perceive the world, I also want to look different too. I don't want bad grown out gray perm action, and I don't want post-baby body. So, I better get to work on those things if I want to change them. I want my 30s to be fantastic, but I don't wanna blow it either.