My head spins and I'm tired, but why?

So it's the end of another work week at Dakota Ridge. And although I am busy all day long, and I feel like my head is spinning by the end of it all, I don't feel like I ever seem to get anything done. I mean, I had really good intentions of getting a bunch of stuff accomplished but as I cross one thing off the list, I seem to add three more. It makes me feel like I don't even want to begin.

So here's the question of the day. I am Christmas shopping (well not now but eventually) and I was thinking about one of the people I want to shop for. This person is currently going through this phase where they don't feel like anything fits them. I think that I could get them something that fits but it may be the next size larger than what the person currently wears (or think they wear but doesn't fit). My question is: would that be mean? And NO, the person is not me. Although I do feel like that sometimes.

I suppose I better clean off my desk and get my happy little butt home. I wanted to stay and hang some garland and stuff tonight but I am running out of energy. Not like I am going to go home and run some marathon or anything but I think I have stuff I want to do there.

Better go because I need to go before I go on the chair. :)

What the...?!?

So here it is, November 28th and it looks so dark outside that you would think it was pre-sunrise outside. But no, it's almost 9 am and there is a thunderstorm going on right now. A THUNDERSTORM!! What is up with that? We are supposed to be having snow and stuff this time of year, not thunderstorms. Oy. Anyway, I am ready for winter weather. It feels like it shouldn't even be time to decorate for Christmas since there is no snow yet.

I just had to mention that it was storming. I better go work now. Have a great day!!!

Good ole Thanksgiving

This past weekend was Thanksgiving, for those of you living under a rock. Scott, Lukin and I had a busy weekend. We had originally planned to drive up to Cavalier on Wednesday after school. Of course, we probably wouldn't have left our house until 5 and then trying to get out of the cities would have been interesting. So my parents, being the wonderful people they are, offered to come and pick us up at the airport. The only problem was that we couldn't get a flight into Grand Forks. So we had to fly into Winnepeg. But Mom and Dad were so excited to see Lukin (and they said us too but we know. we know.) that they came up to Winnepeg to pick us up. That was weird really. I mean we flew out of the US to fly into Canada, to drive back into the US.

So when we got there, Grandpa took the baby right away to change his pants. Lukin had this look on his face like, who is this stranger taking me away from my mom. It was cute. Then we went to A&W before heading back to the states.

We went to Cando for Thanksgiving. That was fun. I love getting together with people to play games and eat. We could do that every week and give it a different name. I know we could call it the weekend!! It was fun though. Pretty much everyone there had a turn to hold the baby. I think Lukin enjoyed all the attention. I guess he had a time where my mom, auntie Boo and Lukin were sitting in one of the livingrooms and Lukin was talking up a storm to Auntie Boo. I bet that was cute. I was busy playing ImagineIFF. It's a pretty fun game.

Friday we hung out at home. We were supposed to head to Grand Forks for the UND hockey game. But Dad and Sonny were having some father-in-law/son-in-law bonding time putting up the Christmas lights outside. He wanted to skimp on some of the trees and he came in to ask mom about it and he asked if he would need to put three strands of lights on each tree and overload the circuit. I was like "go for it Clark." If you get that, you are awesome.

We ended up not going to the game and we stayed at home and went out for supper and then spent the evening playing cards and watching the hockey game on tv.

Saturday, mom sent me and Sonny out the door pretty early. We were in GF by lunch time. Amanda and I went ot lunch and hung out for the afternoon. It was kind of sad when I had to go to the game because I wanted to hang out more with Amanda. I miss you Amanda!!! (fake crying ensues...)

After the game, we went back to Cavalier and went to bed. We got up around 10 am on Sunday and got ready to head back up to Winnepeg to catch a flight home. When we got back, we went for supper with Carin and Dan and then went home and that was the end of our Thanksgiving weekend.

A "Special" Kind of Crazy

So last night, I went to the MOA to go to a create-a-calendar workshop. This could potentially be a Christmas gift for my mom, but she doesn't use the computer so she won't be reading this.

Anyway, so I go to Archiver's for this workshop and they supply you with everything you need to do this book all in one place. And for those of you who do this, it was a reasonable $22 for all the supplies and the instruction. Seeing as I have never done this before, I thought it would be a fun Christmas gift for my mom that I would fill with pictures of Lukin. My whole family would love that.

Anyway, so I am at this thing and it's going pretty well until she starts going at this type of breakneck speed. I can't keep up because this is not my thing. Oh my gosh, it's so unorganized and a big mess. I decided that those people who do this to relax have to be a special kind of crazy. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love my friends who do this, but they are a little nuts because it didn't seem very relaxing to me!!

Need a few more days in a week.

So as strange as this sounds, I need a few more days in a week. I need enough days to be a good speech path at my three buildings, to be a good mom, to be a good wife, and to have some friends again (living in the south part of the city is lonesome). So if we estimate that, I would probably need at least 4 full days at my .5 school, at least 3 at my .4 school and at least 1 day at my .1 school. Then I need at least 1 day for just friends, two days for being a good wife and three days for being a good mom. So if I was able to devote the entire day, with no distractions to that days deed, I think I would not feel so scatterbrained all the time. Of course, my weeks would have to have 14 day weeks. Wait a minute, I just need to have this cycle go in two weeks. But I may need longer days too. I will have to get back to you on that. :)

So I was worried that I was pregnant again. I can't remember to take my pills for love or money. Maybe if I had been on them for years and years, but 5 months just isn't long enough to engrave something in my scattered brain. I know that I didn't share this info with anyone but I wanted to wait til I knew for sure first. I got my visitor over lunch today so we don't have to worry anymore about having a brother for Lukin any time soon.

Today at work, something sad happened. I found out that one of the teacher's wife lost their second child. They went into the doctor two days ago and found out that the baby was dead. She is supposed to deliver it today. That really set the tone for the day. I feel bad for them. It's a depressing feeling.

That's all for now.

T. G. I. A. (almost) F.

So what do I know today? Well, I am glad that it is almost Friday, not because the week has been that exhausting but that it's hard to have a 5 day week after a nice break with a shorter week.

I came home from work today with a sense of accomplishment. Usually, Deanna leaves me this list of things that she didn't get to do before she left on Wednesday and then I have my own list to deal with, but today I got her short list as well as mine done. That means that tomorrow I will get to use my prep time to relax (or as I have been finding myself doing lately), researching weaning from breast feeding.

I should have my friend Cami tell me about how she managed to feed her son for so long. I am very disheartened. Yesterday, I pumped 1.75 oz at work. My son can eat 6+ oz at a sitting. This equation doesn't work out. I feel so bad. But I think that dwelling on it is just making my production go down. Well, that and worrying about all the things I worry about.

Tomorrow night is date night. Sonny and I are going to go out to dinner and then we are going to Saw III. Yeah, I know. How romantic. But I want to see it and so does he so it will be fun. I am just looking forward to the part where we get to go out on a Friday night. I swear I spend most of my Friday nights at home tending to baby nowadays. Not that that's a bad thing. It's just the way it is.

Well, ER will be on soon and I want to finish up a couple more tasks before then. Have a swell weekend!!

"Down in the Dumps" aka: The biggest loser

So, I have been down in the dumps since girls weekend ended. It was great to have my friends here and to get to do fun stuff and be silly and have a good time. I miss being in North Dakota so I could do that more often. Of course, Sonny knows this and he feels bad about it, but there isn't really anything that we can do, except for win the lottery, which is kind of out of our hands. I have friends down here in the cities, at least I consider them my friends, I just live on the opposite side of the city and we don't get together as often as I would like.

Now don't get me wrong, but coming into my work environment this year is totally different. I am not viewed the same coming in as a married mother as I was as a single, childless woman. Maybe the meaning for married mother is boring, so no one asks you to do stuff because they think you are probably boring. I know that to not be true but who knows what anyone else thinks? Although it probably has a lot to do with the type of environment you work in too.

So I was thinking about how I like to blog so that everyone can know what I have been up to, but that a blog is not as personal as a journal and so I maybe don't write as much about what I am feeling as I would in a journal. In that sense, a blog is not as therapeutic as a journal. So is this not even helping me?!? What?!?

I have this feeling that I already wrote all the stuff that I am writing today. I need to do lesson plans so that I can get out of here at a decent time, but chances are, I won't get them done today. It would be really nice though to throw my things to do list away since this seems to be the only recurring thing.

Well, I better go try to start that task, and for those of you who got emails from me today, I miss everyone so please, remember me next time you are bored and want someone to hang out with!!

Why do I even have this thing?

So, I know it's been a while since I wrote in here but, I have been busy. If you have known me for any length of time, you know this is the story of my life.

But let me explain. Last week, we had conferences on Thursday ( I went from 1:00 to 6:00) even though they ran from 12:00 to 8:30. Then on Friday, since we didn't have any school, I was busy trying to clean before my friends got here. I got the upstairs completely done, but the basement only got partially done and my room looks atrocious (or however you spell that word).

We had fun on girls weekend even though I didn't have a voice. I have more of a voice now, but that could be because I stayed home sick today. I am still exhausted even though I slept most of the day.

I don't even really know what happened but at some time during the night, Sonny and I were talking and he said that I should stay home from work today and rest. I, of course, gave the story about how much I had to do at work. But when the alarm went off, I shut it off and fell back to sleep for another 45 minutes and then when I woke up, I realized that I was not up to par for going to work and so I did call in sick. When I asked Sonny why he had told me that in the middle of the night, he said that I had been coughing and didn't even know that I had been and that he was tempted to get up and run to Cub to get me some dayquil or something.

So, I have had a lot going on in my brain lately. I was just thinking about how much I miss my friend Laurie. I know I have probably never mentioned her before, and probably only 1 or 2 of you know who she is, but I miss her. She was a great listener and I miss her motherly advice.

I wonder if everyone who has ever had a child has wondered if they were a good parent. I constantly wonder that. I think that I could be a better parent and think that there is so much I should be doing for my son, but then I think about how he isn't even 6 months old yet and he (hopefully) isn't going to grow up to resent me for not reading and singing to him every day yet.

I feel this way because Lukin spent the weekend with Grandma, Grandpa and Daddy while I had girls weekend. I felt like he wouldn't even know me at the end of the weekend. I feel like as he gets older, we don't get to cuddle as much and I miss my cuddly little baby.

But don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the little boy he has become. He is so curious, even though he is only 5 1/2 months old. And I think he is so smart. Of course, every parent says that about their child, but I really think he is smart.

I miss home. There are times when I can ignore that and there are times when that thought consumes me. I miss having friends around. I miss being able to go and do things with fun people. I miss the ladies from Westwood last year. I had fun there. I felt like I belonged somewhat, there. I loved my coworkers. I wish I had fun people like that now. I wish there were people who would sit and have a conversation with me. I wish there were people who wanted to go and do stuff with me after work or on the weekends or something like last year. I miss socializing. I miss that side of me.

I know that I have said that before, but when I get lonely for interaction with people who aren't my husband or in-laws, that's what I think about. I miss having girlfriends to giggle with and do girly things with. And if any of my friends from last year read this, give me a call because I am lonesome for people to interact with on a social level and not just a professional level.

Better get to bed. I can't get better if I don't get plenty of rest.