Lately, I really like that song: Overkill, by Colin Hay. I just had to mention that.
Anyway, speaking of Overkill, let me vent about my son. Most people who have multiple children must have them close enough together so that they don't experience the things that they don't like about parenting until after they have procreated another person and it's too late.
My husband and I are not those people.
We have ample time to "enjoy" everything. Now don't get me wrong. Most of the things he does are incredibly adorable. Who doesn't love the laughter of a tiny tot? It's hard to resist.
What isn't hard to resist is the nightly battle to keep the milk in the glass and the food on the plate. Each meal starts out promising enough with our son taking nice little bites on his little fork. But then the "boy" in him comes out and that plate gets dumped all over the tray. Then he sits there while we tell him that is not okay and take the plate away and tell him that he will just have to eat it off the trap now. And that's when the whole swish it all around with the hands takes place. Seriously kid! Then we scold him again and then he signs milk because we foolishly think he is thirsty. But then he takes one sip and then dumps the milk on top.
WHY WOULD ANYONE INTENTIONALLY GO THROUGH THIS MULTIPLE TIMES?!?
Every night of dinner that we get through is one night closer to him not doing that and eating like a nice boy. At least that is what I tell myself every night. "We are one night closer to eating a meal like a normal family." But I guess 'normal' is a relative term, and maybe by some standards, we already are.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Cutie
So every night, before I go to bed, I stop in Lukin's room to make sure he is covered up. He is notorious for kicking all the covers off and then sleeping in a little ball on his tummy (probably trying to stay warm). I also have Sonny check on him before he leaves for work and I do it when my alarm goes off before I truly commit to being awake. But those details are beside the point.
The story has to do with my going in to check on him last night. I nudge the door open a little bit to see if there is movement. When there isn't, then I push the door open and walk in and over to his crib. I fix his blankets so he is covered up and make sure that he isn't nestled up against the railing of the bed or anything like that. Well, I usually fix the covers, stroke his hair once while I say, "I love you, Little man." Or whatever name I call him (Bonkman, Lukin, Little Prince, whatever). Then I leave and go to my room.
But last night, I was covering him up and whispering to him while I did it. I was quietly telling him the line from his favorite story that has his name in it (from I Love You Forever...I changed the song so that it says, "My Lukin you'll be" and he loves that). Anyway, I was whispering this, and he half opens his eyes and moves his head and quietly says, "No." and then goes back to sleep. I giggled because that's his favorite word and it just made me smile that he would choose that word to say while half-asleep. He then closed his eyes again and put his hands up under his head and went back to sleep.
That was pretty cute. Every mom probably has a similar story about how adorable her child is while they are sleeping.
The story has to do with my going in to check on him last night. I nudge the door open a little bit to see if there is movement. When there isn't, then I push the door open and walk in and over to his crib. I fix his blankets so he is covered up and make sure that he isn't nestled up against the railing of the bed or anything like that. Well, I usually fix the covers, stroke his hair once while I say, "I love you, Little man." Or whatever name I call him (Bonkman, Lukin, Little Prince, whatever). Then I leave and go to my room.
But last night, I was covering him up and whispering to him while I did it. I was quietly telling him the line from his favorite story that has his name in it (from I Love You Forever...I changed the song so that it says, "My Lukin you'll be" and he loves that). Anyway, I was whispering this, and he half opens his eyes and moves his head and quietly says, "No." and then goes back to sleep. I giggled because that's his favorite word and it just made me smile that he would choose that word to say while half-asleep. He then closed his eyes again and put his hands up under his head and went back to sleep.
That was pretty cute. Every mom probably has a similar story about how adorable her child is while they are sleeping.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Cry it out
So yesterday, I was terribly stressed out. Not that I am suddenly not stressed out today, but I just realized that my stress didn't have to be generalized and that I needed to compartmentalize my stress. That way I only worry about the things that I can control when I am in the environment where I can control them. I know there are those of you who are laughing at me right now thinking about what an OCD statement that was.
You see I have my home stresses: getting Lukin's paperwork done for his speech-language evaluation next week, planning for my husband's birthday, and ordering his gifts. But that stress was reduced this morning when I finished the paperwork, ordered a gift for my husband (but not exactly what he wanted so he won't KNOW what his gift is, but that was because they didn't have what he wanted in his size), and this weekend I will worry about his birthday party. I will stress more about taking classes and paying for them this weekend and move that off my plate for now.
At one of my schools, I was worried about getting purchase orders done for next year before the deadline, calling a mom that doesn't really like our school, and getting a couple reports done. Well, I finished my purchase orders this morning, called the mom (and she was very pleasant), and got one of the two reports done. I also need to finish my QComp stuff and submit my personal leave request, but I won't think about those until some other things are done.
My other school, I need to worry about two meetings coming up next week and what I am going to say at both of them. Then (and this is the big one) I have to try to figure out how to coordinate schedules for an IEP meeting for the ONLY student I case manage this year. Could he have 3 service providers in three different buildings please? I hope to get that taken care of today so I won't have to break down and have a little cry again tonight. So wish me luck.
You see I have my home stresses: getting Lukin's paperwork done for his speech-language evaluation next week, planning for my husband's birthday, and ordering his gifts. But that stress was reduced this morning when I finished the paperwork, ordered a gift for my husband (but not exactly what he wanted so he won't KNOW what his gift is, but that was because they didn't have what he wanted in his size), and this weekend I will worry about his birthday party. I will stress more about taking classes and paying for them this weekend and move that off my plate for now.
At one of my schools, I was worried about getting purchase orders done for next year before the deadline, calling a mom that doesn't really like our school, and getting a couple reports done. Well, I finished my purchase orders this morning, called the mom (and she was very pleasant), and got one of the two reports done. I also need to finish my QComp stuff and submit my personal leave request, but I won't think about those until some other things are done.
My other school, I need to worry about two meetings coming up next week and what I am going to say at both of them. Then (and this is the big one) I have to try to figure out how to coordinate schedules for an IEP meeting for the ONLY student I case manage this year. Could he have 3 service providers in three different buildings please? I hope to get that taken care of today so I won't have to break down and have a little cry again tonight. So wish me luck.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
That time of year
It is once again that time of year where I start to get all freaked out about my non-tenure-ship, which leads me to financial insecurity which leads me to wonder how I went to school and came away with my Master's degree only to worry about money, which leads me to feeling like a failure in my career choice, etc. etc.
So last night, Sonny and I decided that we wanted to have DQ for dessert. And as many of you know, I am a slow eater, especially when it comes to ice cream. So, he finished up and then, because I wasn't done, we drove around to look at houses. This is something we do from time to time because eventually our townhouse lease will be up and because the housing market is hot for people looking to buy a house (or so I hear). Whenever we see a house that is for sale, we tend to stop and pick up a paper, if there is one, so that we can see what houses in that particular neighborhood go for, and what types of features that house may have.
Last night, we picked one up for a house that was selling for $352,000 in an older neighborhood and it was built in 1992. Are you effin kidding me? When the district that I currently work in "decided" that I didn't need a full time position for this academic school year, that cut my salary by slightly over $9,000. Through the grapevine, I have heard that I may be able to return to my position again next year, but that it would be another cut, to .6, which would equal another approximately $9,000 pay cut. Are you effin kidding me again? I am sorry but I can't work in a district that cuts my salary by nearly $20,000 over two years time. Let alone the fact that another time cut would leave me and my family without health insurance. (Of course, we could always go on my husband's but when we got married and looked at the benefits, we decided that mine were better).
I don't even want to think about these things. But I have to. I have to figure out a way to get back to where my salary should be: slightly over double what I made my first year as an SLP. When I finished grad school, and started working as a "grown-up" I was proud of the fact that I went to school those additional years and was able to make a comfortable living. Now, I am not saying that getting married and having a child makes it impossible to make a comfortable living working in the field of education. I mean there were people who had been working for several years in the tiny town I started in that were both in education and had multiple children and were living just fine.
It's just that if I keep taking salary cuts, pretty soon I won't be making any more money than I was making when I left ND. Then why did I leave? I mean granted I would be making what I made in ND working three days a week instead of 5, but as was aforementioned, the salary of working 5 is easier to live with.
So what options do I have? Well, I could begin looking for a job elsewhere. That is no fun. I don't want to start a new job again. I am tired of that. I am ready for a certain level of stability after working in this profession for 6 years. I hate having to learn a new building every year. I don't want to work in my .2 school again, but I don't want to learn another one either.
I could go back to school. But that would be costly. I looked into it this morning. It would cost over $10,000 to go back and take around 28 credits to get a certificate. Granted, if I found a job in the area that the certificate would qualfiy me for, it would be well worth the $10,000 extra of schooling. But are you kidding? For now, we don't have $10,000 laying around. Note my pay cut option to work where I am for next year.
I am stressed and sad. I don't know how to fix this. I mean, not being tenured makes me feel really shaky about my performance. It's like if I don't get tenured somewhere, then I can't specialize what I do. I can't specialize in Autism one year only to work with SPMI the next and EBD the next. I feel like my heart was more into this when I first started than it is now. And I don't know how to fix that.
So last night, Sonny and I decided that we wanted to have DQ for dessert. And as many of you know, I am a slow eater, especially when it comes to ice cream. So, he finished up and then, because I wasn't done, we drove around to look at houses. This is something we do from time to time because eventually our townhouse lease will be up and because the housing market is hot for people looking to buy a house (or so I hear). Whenever we see a house that is for sale, we tend to stop and pick up a paper, if there is one, so that we can see what houses in that particular neighborhood go for, and what types of features that house may have.
Last night, we picked one up for a house that was selling for $352,000 in an older neighborhood and it was built in 1992. Are you effin kidding me? When the district that I currently work in "decided" that I didn't need a full time position for this academic school year, that cut my salary by slightly over $9,000. Through the grapevine, I have heard that I may be able to return to my position again next year, but that it would be another cut, to .6, which would equal another approximately $9,000 pay cut. Are you effin kidding me again? I am sorry but I can't work in a district that cuts my salary by nearly $20,000 over two years time. Let alone the fact that another time cut would leave me and my family without health insurance. (Of course, we could always go on my husband's but when we got married and looked at the benefits, we decided that mine were better).
I don't even want to think about these things. But I have to. I have to figure out a way to get back to where my salary should be: slightly over double what I made my first year as an SLP. When I finished grad school, and started working as a "grown-up" I was proud of the fact that I went to school those additional years and was able to make a comfortable living. Now, I am not saying that getting married and having a child makes it impossible to make a comfortable living working in the field of education. I mean there were people who had been working for several years in the tiny town I started in that were both in education and had multiple children and were living just fine.
It's just that if I keep taking salary cuts, pretty soon I won't be making any more money than I was making when I left ND. Then why did I leave? I mean granted I would be making what I made in ND working three days a week instead of 5, but as was aforementioned, the salary of working 5 is easier to live with.
So what options do I have? Well, I could begin looking for a job elsewhere. That is no fun. I don't want to start a new job again. I am tired of that. I am ready for a certain level of stability after working in this profession for 6 years. I hate having to learn a new building every year. I don't want to work in my .2 school again, but I don't want to learn another one either.
I could go back to school. But that would be costly. I looked into it this morning. It would cost over $10,000 to go back and take around 28 credits to get a certificate. Granted, if I found a job in the area that the certificate would qualfiy me for, it would be well worth the $10,000 extra of schooling. But are you kidding? For now, we don't have $10,000 laying around. Note my pay cut option to work where I am for next year.
I am stressed and sad. I don't know how to fix this. I mean, not being tenured makes me feel really shaky about my performance. It's like if I don't get tenured somewhere, then I can't specialize what I do. I can't specialize in Autism one year only to work with SPMI the next and EBD the next. I feel like my heart was more into this when I first started than it is now. And I don't know how to fix that.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Laid back weekend
This weekend we stayed at home and it was nice because I don't even remember the last time that we did that. I suppose that if I would have known that Sonny didn't work before the weekend was actually upon us, I would have suggested going somewhere. But I am glad that I didn't know because it was nice and relaxing to stay home.
I don't remember doing anything on Thursday night. I think we just stayed in and watched the new "Earl" on tv. On Friday, we didn't really do anything all day, but had date night that night. We went to a place called Harry's Cafe in Lakeville. It was good. I highly recommend that you order the veggies instead of fries or onion petals. We ordered dessert to kill time because we were going to a movie and you can see the theater out the window. The dessert was HUGE. I mean, I ate a little bit, and then we took it home and we shared it three ways yesterday. It was way better heated up in the microwave. Anyway, then after dinner, we went to 21. That was a good movie. I recommend that. That is if you like blackjack. Of course, you don't actually have to know anything about it to watch the movie. It just made it more interesting for me since that is what I did as a job to make money in college and for fun money as a grown up.
Saturday, we went to Burnsville Center. I saw an old friend, Kellie Jacobson, there. She lives in Savage now and is expecting a baby boy in two weeks. We talked for a few minutes and I hope we get in touch again. It would be fun to see her and catch up with her, especially after she has her baby. I love babies!
Yesterday was a pretty laid back day. We went over to the inlaws for lunch. Then we left Lukin there so we could go and experience ALDI. That is a low key grocery store. You have to pay for a cart, you have to pay for bags. We didn't use any bags because we brought our own, but you know. Everything in the store was so super cheap it was unbelievable! I bought a big bag of the TGIFriday Cheddar Bacon chips for a buck. Usually, I have to pay 85 cents for a mini bag from the vending machine at work. Wow.
I had something else that I wanted to say but now I can't remember. It was something cute about Lukin. But I can't remember. Oh well. Better start taking the gingko biloba.
I don't remember doing anything on Thursday night. I think we just stayed in and watched the new "Earl" on tv. On Friday, we didn't really do anything all day, but had date night that night. We went to a place called Harry's Cafe in Lakeville. It was good. I highly recommend that you order the veggies instead of fries or onion petals. We ordered dessert to kill time because we were going to a movie and you can see the theater out the window. The dessert was HUGE. I mean, I ate a little bit, and then we took it home and we shared it three ways yesterday. It was way better heated up in the microwave. Anyway, then after dinner, we went to 21. That was a good movie. I recommend that. That is if you like blackjack. Of course, you don't actually have to know anything about it to watch the movie. It just made it more interesting for me since that is what I did as a job to make money in college and for fun money as a grown up.
Saturday, we went to Burnsville Center. I saw an old friend, Kellie Jacobson, there. She lives in Savage now and is expecting a baby boy in two weeks. We talked for a few minutes and I hope we get in touch again. It would be fun to see her and catch up with her, especially after she has her baby. I love babies!
Yesterday was a pretty laid back day. We went over to the inlaws for lunch. Then we left Lukin there so we could go and experience ALDI. That is a low key grocery store. You have to pay for a cart, you have to pay for bags. We didn't use any bags because we brought our own, but you know. Everything in the store was so super cheap it was unbelievable! I bought a big bag of the TGIFriday Cheddar Bacon chips for a buck. Usually, I have to pay 85 cents for a mini bag from the vending machine at work. Wow.
I had something else that I wanted to say but now I can't remember. It was something cute about Lukin. But I can't remember. Oh well. Better start taking the gingko biloba.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
More luggage stories...almost makes you wanna drive.
My husband will argue semantics on this one but I have more luggage stories to tell. So for those of you who are/were wondering, yes, I did eventually get my bag back. They found it Thursday (before Easter) and we found about it after dinner Thursday night and went and picked it up.
So the next day, Lukin and I were to leave for Fargo for Easter. But Lukin had his last day of class first. So we got up extra early and got all ready so that we could take our luggage out to the airport and check in before class so that we wouldn't have to worry about making the cut off time between class and the flight. We were fortunate enough to get the last seat on the plane and Lukin slept on my lap the whole way.
Upon arriving in Fargo, I was worried that our stuff wouldn't come (and really, who could blame me at that point?) but was relieved to see our suitcase at baggage claim. However, we waited until the very end and no car seat ever showed up. Are you effin kidding me? There were quite a few people who didn't get their luggage so we all filed over to the ticket counter to check on our luggage. When it was my turn, I handed her my ticket and told her that my suitcase had come but my suitcase hadn't. She looked at my ticket and told me that since I was standby that, basically, wasn't their problem (which I know is BS since they had found my bag the day before...whatever). I wanted to rip her head off but maintained my composure enough to ask if they had a car seat. So she disappears to find me a loaner car seat, and when she comes back I ask if she knows where our car seat went. She checks on her computer and it was in Duluth. Are you effin kidding me? Thankfully it came the next day and we were okay, especially since when they gave us the car seat they said that we could keep it because it's a liability for them to take it back once it has been loaned out.
But then on Tuesday when we went to fly home from Grand Forks, we got down the baggage claim again to find that both our suitcases were there but again, there was no car seat. What the...?!? My husband, knowing how much patience I had left about luggage getting lost, went to check on it and they had someone go out and check by where the plane had been to see if it was there. And sure enough it was. Thank goodness. I had almost lost all faith in traveling by air.
Post Script: My husband and I went to ND this past weekend and we were both able to get there and back with our bags. Success!!
So the next day, Lukin and I were to leave for Fargo for Easter. But Lukin had his last day of class first. So we got up extra early and got all ready so that we could take our luggage out to the airport and check in before class so that we wouldn't have to worry about making the cut off time between class and the flight. We were fortunate enough to get the last seat on the plane and Lukin slept on my lap the whole way.
Upon arriving in Fargo, I was worried that our stuff wouldn't come (and really, who could blame me at that point?) but was relieved to see our suitcase at baggage claim. However, we waited until the very end and no car seat ever showed up. Are you effin kidding me? There were quite a few people who didn't get their luggage so we all filed over to the ticket counter to check on our luggage. When it was my turn, I handed her my ticket and told her that my suitcase had come but my suitcase hadn't. She looked at my ticket and told me that since I was standby that, basically, wasn't their problem (which I know is BS since they had found my bag the day before...whatever). I wanted to rip her head off but maintained my composure enough to ask if they had a car seat. So she disappears to find me a loaner car seat, and when she comes back I ask if she knows where our car seat went. She checks on her computer and it was in Duluth. Are you effin kidding me? Thankfully it came the next day and we were okay, especially since when they gave us the car seat they said that we could keep it because it's a liability for them to take it back once it has been loaned out.
But then on Tuesday when we went to fly home from Grand Forks, we got down the baggage claim again to find that both our suitcases were there but again, there was no car seat. What the...?!? My husband, knowing how much patience I had left about luggage getting lost, went to check on it and they had someone go out and check by where the plane had been to see if it was there. And sure enough it was. Thank goodness. I had almost lost all faith in traveling by air.
Post Script: My husband and I went to ND this past weekend and we were both able to get there and back with our bags. Success!!
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