When medicine makes you cry

If you know me well enough, you know that this pregnancy has been different than the last one. I have had the "honor" of experiencing many pregnancy symptoms that had I experienced them the first time, I may not have gone through this experience again on purpose.

That being said, I have to talk about my day. Actually, it all started about a week and a half ago when I went to the doctor and when she asked how things were going, I remembered something that had been bothering me, but, of course, at that moment, wasn't bothering me. The doctor asked me a couple questions and then suggested a medication, and put in for the prescription to be filled and for me to pick it up if I was being bothered again.

Well, I didn't think about it again for the rest of that week. I didn't think about it again until the next doctor appointment when the nurse asked me about current meds, and when she read that one, I told her that I never even picked up the meds, so she deleted it.

The next day, the pharmacy called me to tell me that I had a prescription ready and that if I didn't pick it up within the next three days, I would have to see a doctor again to get the prescription filled all over again.

Then I was thinking, but what if I let the prescription expire, and then the next day that is when the symptoms will return, and I will have to wait until my next doctor appointment to get the meds again. And what if I go into labor before then and then I won't have access to the doctor (of course, I may not need the medicine then, because sometimes the symptoms resolve themselves when the baby is born, but I don't know that for sure). So I was a little bit freaked out, and, although at that time, I was feeling fine again, I decided that I needed to pick up the meds anyway.

So, I make this part of my agenda for the day today, that I am going to stop and pick up this prescription because I would rather have it and then not need it than really need it and not have it.

So, I run to Target to pick up the meds and I expect to pay the co-pay, and it shouldn't cost too much. I am dead wrong. The lady looks up and says that my total (including the tinfoil and marshmallows that I have purchased) was over $170. WHAT?!? I hesitate before sliding my card because I was not expecting the meds to cost that much. The lady must sense my concern and says that I must have some kind of deductible that I must have to reach. I don't know at that moment, but I actually contemplate just not getting the meds. But I don't. And to my own discredit, I don't ask any questions about the meds either, and I suck it up and pay for the meds and leave.

If you know me and this pregnancy well enough, you know that I don't even make it home before I start bawling (love being pregnant) because of the sticker shock. I mean, I was expecting $20, $30, maybe even $50, but nothing like that.

My husband and I go online as soon as we get home and find out that when a brand name is given, which is what I was given, and a generic version exists, then you end up paying the full price. Well, that helps to know, but then we wonder why I wasn't given the generic version. We look online at all the Target pharmacy, the Walgreens pharmacy, the CVS pharmacy, and the Wal-Mart pharmacy, and none of them even carry the generic form of this medicine. This lends itself to the question of how you could be charged for the name brand if no one even carries the generic brand? But I digress.

The next thing about this situation that made me so mad was that once I started to get over the cost thing, I opened the bag to pull out the medicine and found out that it was not what I thought it was going to be. This, of course, set off another wave of tears because, the bag itself said that I should have been consulted with by a pharmacist before I left, and had I been consulted with, I would not have left the store with the meds because I was not expecting the meds to be serious horse pills. If you know me well enough, you know that I am not good at swallowing pills, I am improving, but my improvement has not graduated me to horse pills. I bawled some more.

It's been a couple hours now since I bawled about all of this and milled over it all in my head and with my husband. I cried because I didn't know how to 'fix it'. My husband says that's just the type of person I am, and that sometimes you just can't fix things. He said to chalk it up to being a lesson learned.

But, now as I think about it, my two big things are that I won't have any pain again and won't need the meds, and/or if I do need the meds, I won't be able to swallow the horse pills. Anyone want to just give me $170 to just cover the bill so I don't have to worry about it anymore? I would be open to donations.

Oh and because I know someone will want to know what the meds were or what they were for, I don't care to share that information. Pregnancy has many fun little symptoms and side effects that maybe many women experience, but not everyone wants to know about all of them, and for that reason, I am not talking.

Spelling Bees and Freeways

Did anyone watch the National Spelling Bee tonight? I did. There was this kid, he was the only boy to make it to the top three. His name was Tim, and they had these random little facts about them and his had his favorite music group listed as They Might Be Giants. If you saw it, and you know who TMBG are, it was a perfect match. I could totally picture this kid listening to them.

(P.S. These kids make me proud. I wish I was that awesome of a speller. Congratulations to these kids for making it to the National Spelling Bee.)

So today I had another ultrasound and NST in St. Paul. After the appointment, I needed to run to Macy's at the MOA and then drop Sonny off at his car which was still at work as I had to pick him up in order to make our appointment on time. Anyway, he wanted to know which way we should go home. He was planning on getting on the freeway because it didn't look too bad. But it was at that moment that I had this inner panic attack about getting on the freeway, after 4pm, at the beginning of rush hour, at 36 weeks of pregnancy. I can't explain exactly which of those factors made me feel freaked out about taking that way, but needless to say, we didn't take that way, and I think that we did fine. I would take the back way home again, if I had to do it again.

36 week Dr. Appt.

I have now given two entries that had nothing to do with being pregnant and or being a mom, but that vacation is over.

This morning, I had my 36 week appointment. It went well. I got my final shot. I had a tummy check. They did the Group B Strep test (which I never made it to last time). I had my blood drawn for a final hemoglobin test. And she checked to see how I was doing.

Well, everything seemed good. Baby's heartbeat is strong. My BP was down to 117/76, the lowest it has been in quite a while (showing that the bedrest that she has put me on is paying off...or that's what she said...I'm pretty bored). And I guess I am not yet dialated at all, which is good.

In fact, we even talked a little about what we would do if we got to 39 weeks and weren't seeing any signs that labor was going to kick in on it's own. It was not really a talk I was expecting to have with my dr. today, especially since the last few times have shown my BP not improving at all.

But, I just wanted to update everyone. Things are going well and I am pretty happy about that.

Alicia Cummings

So today I heard the Michael Jackson song Black or White. I don't even remember the last time I heard this song. But, as soon as I heard it, I remembered a girl from the volleyball bus in high school that would play the song from time to time. Her name was Alicia Cummings. And as soon as I heard the song, I smiled to myself because, a) the song is just a happy-feeling little song, and b) Alicia was a happy-go-lucky kind of gal. I don't know what ever happened to her, but I think she landed somewhere in Cali after graduation. So Alicia, this entry is for you.

Memorial Day

So, today is Memorial Day and we drove by Fort Snelling National Cemetary. We thought it was strange that there weren't flags on all of the graves. I mean, it's a national military cemetary. You would think that there would be flags on the graves for a national military-honoring holiday.

My husband and I talked about why that would happen. No volunteers to place the flags (in years past local Boy Scouts had placed them)? No money to buy the flags? No donations to purchase flags? Is this one of those things that the state budget doesn't allow for? The national budget? I mean, come on, why aren't there flags at the cemetary for Memorial Day? It bugs me.

4th entry for the day: One for Amanda

Amanda and I were talking on the phone on Lukin's birthday and she made a comment about how she hadn't seen me for a while so she didn't envision me as being that pregnant. Here's proof that I am, indeed, just shy of 36 weeks pregnant.



Notice that I have a helper in these pictures. Perhaps he is there to support the baby in the pictures, or he just wanted to be in the picture with Mommy.

Pictures from the Big Brother Class

In training to become a big brother, you must learn how to put a diaper on a baby, swaddle a baby, and hold the baby. We had fun practicing these things.

Picture with Ama and Jim

Pictures with Ama and Jim before they went home last weekend. We had to get these pictures because next time they are here Lukin won't be the only grandchild anymore.

Birthday party Number 2

A few more snapshots from the birthday party last Saturday.

This is the cake that he 'helped' frost by licking the lid from the cool whip container. Of course, for the chocolate cake, he just licked the spatula when I was done with that too. I guess a 3-year-old isn't as much help as they might think they are.




Opening gifts after the meal.



Thanks Ama and Jim for the puzzle that requires a hammer to play with. He likes it but it's loud. (It's a map of the US that you put one quarter from each of the states in.)




Some of the guests at the party.

Understanding bedrest

So think about it. If you woke up in the morning and felt sick to your stomach or had a lot of aches and pains or something like that, chances are, you would stay home from work for the day. And chances are, if those were your symptoms, you would probably spend the day resting (that is if you didn't have any children to watch after). You might sleep on and off all day long and end up waking up feeling better the next morning.

Bedrest is not like that. Being on bedrest, well it is its own experience in itself. Since I have been restricted from going to work, I am forced to be at home and am supposed to be taking it easy. Last week, this didn't work so well, what with the birthday party to get ready for, but this week has been going a little bit better. Well, I guess it depends on the definition of better. If better means, taking it easy and resting more, then yes, it has been going better.

But, as you can guess, from the way I started this entry, this is not the happy ending. Being on bedrest isn't like being sick with the flu. My brain isn't feeling sick. It's not tired. My body is tired. My body is sore. But the two are not seeing eye to eye. So, even though I follow my doctor's orders and rest in the afternoon with Lukin, chances are, I will fall asleep with him and if I do that, then I can't sleep at night because I'm not doing enough physical activity (because I am on bedrest) to warrant being sleepy at night.

This was my problem last night, but thankfully, I had an ultrasound and NST today so I didn't get a nap and I have decided to take some Tylenol PM about an hour ago so that I can sleep tonight.

I guess I shouldn't complain. This isn't really about me. It's about making sure baby is okay and keeping baby "cooking" as long as we can before delivery. But it was pretty cute this morning when Lukin asked me two separate times if Baby Boof was coming today "Baby Boof Day?" I smiled when he asked, and said, "Not today Buddy."

A random sampling of thoughts

So, I was put on "modified bed rest" on May 11th, so you would think that I would have more time to post a blog every day or two, but not so much.

I had to switch my wedding ring to my right hand because I am pregnant and swollen in my left hand. Moving my ring over made me think of this guy that I knew in college that was a friend of Greg S. When he got married, he wore his wedding ring on his right hand because of some numbness(?) in his left hand. I can't exactly remember what caused the numbness, if I ever knew, but I remembered that today when I switched the my ring from one hand to the other. I know that you are probably wondering why I don't just take the ring off, but that feels weird to have a big ol' pregnant belly and no wedding ring. Call me old-fashioned.

Today we were talking about my sister and her husband coming down when we have the baby and we got talking about a time when Sonny and some of his friends (including his at-the-time (or at least I am assuming she was at-the-time) girlfriend) were down in Omaha for the Men's College World Series and the couple that they were staying with had recently had a baby and the men were all getting ready to go to the bar, and for whatever reason, the girlfriend was busy primping to go too, but when it was time to go, she wasn't in the car so they left without her. Sonny laughed as he told the story. He said that even though the wife of the couple they were staying with was mad, as well as "Anna" (how she was introduced to me at our wedding), the men all thought it was dumb for her to come with and think she was going out to the bar with the guys when her friend had just had a baby. She should have felt bad and wanted to stay home with her friend (and the baby).

I thought about this story and wondered how Sonny ever ended up dating a girl that was like that: Someone who wanted to go out with the guys so she could be the female center of attention...then it occurred to me that Amanda would say that I am like that (or at least used to be), and I wondered how Sonny and I ended up together, since he is a more quiet kind of guy. Then I realized that is probably exactly why: both people in a couple can't be the center of attention at once. So it makes sense.

I had my first baby nightmare the other night. I woke up crying because I dreamed that the baby was born with only one giant nostril, had no trachea (only a speech path would dream that), and I refused to hold the baby or give the baby a name. I did eventually swaddle the baby and hold it but rejected the baby for the majority of the dream. It was so yucky. I felt bad for the baby in the dream.

I hope that baby is floating safely and happily right now. I hope that the ultrasound on Thursday shows that things are still fine even though there were trace proteins at my appt. yesterday. But the good news was that my bp was down a little, not yet to a normal range, but down from what it had been.

Lastly, if you know me, you know that I am not a fan of abstract. I want clear cut answers. So you can imagine how being pregnant and not knowing the exact day and time of delivery is driving me nutty. I need to know when I have to have three bags (mine, Lukin's and baby's (Sonny's on his own)) packed. And for that matter, what exactly would I be packing that I wouldn't be using on a daily basis before the baby is born? I don't really remember taking anything last time except something to wear home. I had to have my sister bring me make up and hair things while I was in the hospital because I didn't think about that junk when my water broke. Seriously people.

3rd Birthday Pictures

Thank you Daddy for having a lap that we could use.


Great. A learning game from my parents.




TOYS!!


SUGAR!! I mean CAKE!!

Turning "Wee"

For those of you who don't know what today is, let me quote from my son: "Burday Me". So far only Auntie Endebbuh has called to talk to him (way to let his aunt who is not even a blood-related-aunt call first, Stacie :)). He keeps asking if he can open the pile of gifts that are on his little table but I told him that he had to wait for Daddy (who is busy helping at Uncle Dick's house today). He seems okay with this answer, especially since I got him a Mickey Mouse Birthday balloon while he was in class. I'm not sure which he was more excited about, the balloon or the birthday crown from class.

We are having a birthday supper tonight and then we will let him open his gifts and have a little cake at Mimi and Papas. So I will try to get some of those pix up later this evening. Then we will have the official birthday party on Saturday, and we will hopefully get pix from that on here too.0

So far this week

Monday
I woke up after about 4 hours of sleep. I had been coughing and tossing and turning all night. I was not feeling all that great but the day had much going on and no time to be sick.

It started with dr. appt. #1, where we met with a genetic counselor about the possible exposure to Fifth Disease through Lukin's school. Thankfully, the blood work was negative because my titer (titre) was high enough (whatever that means). But we did get a level two ultrasound out of the deal. We found out that the baby is about 5 lbs 4 oz. and everything looks good. We even got to see the little squished up face and it looked like when you squish your face against a window. Cute!

Then we went to lunch at Osaka with the inlaws and Lukin for Sonny's birthday. That was fun. And filling as usual. Then we went back to the inlaws for cake and gifts.

When we left there, we got a call that my car was finished, so we went to pick that up before coming home to drop it off before heading to the second dr. appt. of the day. Got my shot and then headed home to pack.

Dropped off an overnight bag for Lukin at Mimi and Papa's and then headed to Treasure Island overnight for Sonny's birthday. That was pretty fun (even though I was pretty exhausted by this point).

Tuesday
Woke up early on Tuesday morning (where I found myself to have had a good night sleep because I woke up on my back. Thank you Tylenol PM and the new pillowtop bed in the new wing of the hotel!) Got ready. Grabbed some early lunch before heading back to the cities.

Once back in the cities, got changed and organized to head over to an interview. I wasn't nervous for it because I still wasn't feeling 100%. I think that made for an "easier" feeling interview, actually.

After the interview we had to (try to) hurry home (in the beginnings of rush hour traffic) to get Lukin before grabbing a quick bite and heading up to St. Paul (at the end of rush hour) for the big brother class that he was signed up for. That was fun. And cute. Now Woof-Woof has a diaper on and has to be wrapped up like we practiced at class last night.

Wednesday
Today was finally a more laid back day except that we had to go do a little shopping after Sonny got home from work. Then we went to Party America. Then we came home and the boys took a little nap. I tried to wake them at 4:45. Lukin was not ready to wake up and cried bloody murder from about 5:00 until we walked out the door at 5:25. He was still tired.

We went and ate at church with Papa before heading to the MOA for 3 year pictures tonight (can you even believe it?!?). He was so well-behaved. And happy. Not at all like the kid that woke up from the nap at 5:00. (Or the kid we took for pictures last year.) It was actually fun.

So now we are up to speed. Tomorrow is just Lukin's class and hopefully another restful day. I hope to get well rested enough to feel better and work some more. But I should have suspected that I would get sick when the job finished last Friday. That always happens to me, when something big and stressful finishes, I get sick (like the end of a college semester, or the end of a school year, things like that.)

Happy Birthday Sonny!!

I want to be the first to wish my husband a very happy birthday on the 4th!

Oh and in case you aren't around Lukin when you read this, imagine him wandering around singing his made up birthday song for you.

We love you!! and Happy Burday Daddy!!

My twist on "Lullabies"

For reasons unbeknownst to me, when Lukin was a baby, I would sing "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkle to him while I fed him, and/or held him. The same goes for "Under African Skies", by Paul Simon. These just happen to be the two that I always sang to Lukin when he was a baby. Not "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". Not "Mary Had a Little Lamb". Although I do remember singing "All the Pretty Little Horses" from time to time.

So, as if it is not enough that I can't think of a name that I like for the new baby, I can't think of songs that I want to use for the baby either. I'm pretty sure that I will have to use the song "Overkill" by Lazlo Bane featuring Colin Hay, Colin Hay's version from the Cities 97 Sampler, or the version from Scrubs. Any of those will work because they are the slower versions. But a second constant song is hard to come up with.

I was leaning towards The Velvet Underground's "I'm Sticking With You", but everytime I go on Youtube, I find another song that I forgot that I liked.

It's weird because music is one of those things that takes you back to another time and place (kind of like certain smells). I can still remember three of the songs that I really liked and would sing along with when they came on the radio during my drive to work when I was pregnant with Lukin. In case anyone was curious, they were Staind: Right Here Waiting, DMB: Dreamgirl, and Rob Thomas: Ever the Same. I don't really have any songs like that now. Probably because I don't listen to the radio much anymore. I've become more of a CD or Sirius radio fan.

I have to wrap this entry up now because now I am thinking of more and more songs to listen to and play for baby on youtube...shopping, if you will.