Just because I'm hurting doesn't mean I'm hurt

It is with a heavy heart that I login to report that school is less than two weeks away, and I do not have a job. This will be the first year, since I was four years old, that the beginning of school that won't mean anything to me.

And I have to be honest and confess that I am so, so sad. I tried really hard this summer (I mean as hard as you can try in filling out over 16 applications). And it has been hard to do just that and sit back and wait for a district to get to your application and be wowed enough to call you for an interview. I am beside myself and I don't know what to do. I can't believe that I didn't get an actual job again this school year, especially with all the openings that I saw and applied for.

But all is not totally lost yet. I know of one more application that I have floating out there that I haven't heard about yet. I pray that it will work out, but realize that there may be plenty of people still trying to get a job just like me.

And speaking of praying about getting a job, I trust that God has a plan for me. I just don't understand why it doesn't involve me having a job in my chosen profession. I hope that maybe a para position will work out so that I can still stay in the school systems, but maybe that's not part of the plan either. In which case, I have no idea what to do next.

Sonny says to stay positive but I am too sad. My friend who is a special ed coordinator said that sometimes a district can't hire who they want because of budget cuts. If that is the case, I will never get a job again because there will always be someone with less experience than me applying that would be cheaper for the district to hire. In that case, what am I supposed to do? I am at a loss right now and don't know what to do.

More new entries to come...

Alright, so I got caught up until this past weekend. I need to get those pictures on here as well, but that won't happen tonight. But hopefully, these four new entries (five if you count this one) will keep everyone entertained for a couple days until I get the new pix on the computer and find the time to create entries to go with them.

Slumber Party

Since Parker has been born, we have been really bad about having a bedtime routine for Lukin. (If you have children, you understand what I am saying.) Anyway, he kept ending up just falling asleep on the couch because he was so tired and wouldn't go to bed. So one night, I thought of the idea of having a slumber party in the living room. That way, he could fall asleep on the couch, and I could finish feeding Parker and getting him ready for bed, and pump and do whatever else I needed to do after Sonny went to bed without feeling bad that Lukin was still awake. Also, years from now, it will be a fun memory to have of when we used to have slumber parties when Parker was a baby.

Lukin waiting for the slumber party to begin


Parker asleep before it even begins


About 10 minutes after the snack part of the slumber party. This is typical. Lukin is all excited for the slumber party, but usually the slumber party involves Mommy watching the news, and so as soon as snack time is over, he falls asleep. The only time he stayed up longer was when we watched his movie choice (Stuart Little) at our slumber party. But then as soon as that was over, he fell asleep.

But like I said, good memories being made.

Family Portrait

Even though, after this was taken I found out that my mom had a couple pictures of all four of us curled up on the couch together, they don't count because we are in our jammies or something. So, for all extensive purposes, I count this as our official first family portrait...except for the two pictures taken before this one where Sonny's eyes weren't open, so they didn't count.


I like it except I wish I had chosen a more form fitting or less bulky sweater to wear for the photo...but everyone is their own worse critic.

Fun in the sun

The day after the baby shower, Lukin got a chance to use his Spongebob sprinkler, that he got for his birthday, at Ama and Jim's house.

Helping Grandpa Jim set up





Grandpa Jim said that by the end, his fingers were like ice cubes because he had been running through the water nonstop. However, he was like any typical kid and even though he was cold, he didn't want to come in. Hopefully there will be more hot days next summer when we are up there so he can use it again!

Parker's Baby Shower

It's been a while since I posted any pictures or updated what we have been up to so I thought I would do a little of that tonight. (Although I was apprehensive to put pix on here since I saw that story on CNN about the lady who saw her own son for adoption on Craigslist because the person had stolen the baby's picture from her family blog.)

We had a baby shower for Parker back in July. I kind of forgot to take a lot of pictures, or rather any til it was all but over. But I did get a couple so I will share what I have from that day.



Parker waiting for the party to begin.


Auntie Stacie and Mommy

Sophie, Brenda, Karen and Debbie

Brenda with her niece, Sophie and Grandpa Jim and Parker in the background

Auntie Wendi, Grandma (Mimi) Carin, and "Auntie" Amanda

It was a fun shower. Fun games. Glad that I didn't have to taste the baby food. I wouldn't have known it anyway because I never bought canned stuff for Lukin. I hope that all who attended had a good time too!!

My planner

I live by my planner. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I get things done in my planner. I feel bad when I don't get everything done. I have a tendency to have to transfer a couple things a week (like currently it's filling out Parker's Baby book and doing thank yous) to the next week. And I feel bad when I have to do that. So my best friend made a suggestion: get rid of the planner. I don't know that I could do that. I thought I would just mention that.

Rod Oksendahl and Hillary Clinton

For those of you who know who Rod Oksendahl is, you might find this amusing. For the rest of you, you will probably find it amusing too, just that you won't get the tie in to Rod Oksendahl.

The other night, I had a dream that I was a quarterback in the NFL. Now before you die of laughter, know that I wasn't the first string QB. I was 2nd or 3rd string. But anyway, something happened to the starting QB (I think it was Favre), and so one of us others had to take over for the upcoming game. The coach didn't care which of us took the position as long as someone did. He left to think about which he was going to put in and I was secretly hoping that he would pick the other guy, but got a call that I was in.

So I went home to get ready. I was all excited to tell my dad the big news, except he had already heard it on the news from Pat Sweeney (the local sports anchor in Grand Forks). I was bummed that I didn't get to tell him but was getting nervous about the game. My dad told me not to worry and that he would drive me to the game. I wondered how I would get home and then realized that I could catch a ride from Sonny, but then was worried I would be all sweaty.

So when I woke up, I had to chuckle to myself because the mere idea of it all was so funny. Then I started to laugh again when I thought of Rod Oksendahl day. This was just a guy who was the football coach for many many years. What would they do for the girl from my hometown who was an NFL QB?

Quick sidenote about Hillary (one 'l' or two? who knows?) Clinton. Did anyone see that thing about how she flipped out at some guy who asked a question that was misinterpreted as asking how her husband felt about something and she freaked out because she, "...is the Secretary of State and (I) will tell my opinion but I won't channel my husband" blah, blah, blah. When they showed the story on the news, they ended with, the man (who asked the question) later apologized. Seems to me, Hillary should have apologized to the man. I mean can you even imagine this poor man who doesn't even speak english getting chewed out? She was clearly the one in the wrong, and she clearly wasn't thinking that she would want to seek a public office again when this job ends with how she freaked out. But I digress.

Li-ting

I think that we are the only people I know who have a child who LOVES lightning. Last night, we had this big thunderstorm that would have woken me from my sleep if I hadn't been up with baby around 1:30 am. It was such a big storm that the lightning started an apartment complex, not far from here, on fire last night. But our sound sleeper slept through the whole thing. (I think if he can sleep through that, he could handle sharing a room with the baby who has found his thumb and is very loud about finding it.)

He gets so excited when there is a thunderstorm. He runs around screaming, "Li-ting! Li-ting!" until everyone knows that he has seen lightning. Like I said, he just loves it.

Back to work post baby

I was thinking yesterday about having a baby. Or rather, I was thinking about returning to work after having a baby. I was wondering what, if anything, a person got accomplished the first day back. I mean, everyone would want to see pictures and hear how you were doing and hear the story of the birth and any other stories that you were willing to share. Then once you got to your office, or cubicle or whatever, you would have like 8 weeks (more or less depending on your leave) worth of emails to go through and most of them probably wouldn't even really be a concern to you anyway. Then someone would have to bring you up to speed on what you had missed while you away (any vital info and whatever random info they felt necessary to provide), and by the time all this is done, it's time to go home. Sonny thinks that the entire first week back would be a wash, because this is all it would be. It would take a good solid week to get back in a regular schedule.

Maybe I am wrong. But I have never been in this situation to find out. I mean after I had Lukin, I started in a new district where no one knew I had a brand new baby at home, and the same will be true this year. That's why I was wondering.

Finding a job

In my last entry, I forgot to mention something that happened last week. We were at my parents house and my dad was in his office doing something on the computer, and he came out in the livingroom to tell my mom something and when he went back into his office, Lukin was at the computer. Grandpa asked him what he was doing and he said, "finding mommy a job". He had to come back out to the livingroom to tell that story too and it almost made me teary-eyed.

It just goes to show that even though little kids are pretty ego-centric, they still hear, and are paying attention to things going on around them.