The fat dream

So I am going to explain the dream I had last night and I hope that someone can make heads or tails of what it means. Last night, I had the dream where I was very fat. I mean fatter than I am now. So fat, in fact, that every time I had to talk to someone, they would sneer at me as I walked away. They would whisper things under their breath, like, "I can't believe she thinks we like her. Just look at her!" Or something like, "Does she honestly think she looks nice?" It made me feel really bad. I don't think I am by any means little, but I don't want to be the woman in my dream.

On a related note, I think I want to start 'training' to do a 5K for Mother's Day. I say training in quotations because, I am pretty out of shape and I don't know that going 3+ miles would be something I could just wake up one day and do. I might be able to, but 'training' for it, would help to make it much easier.

I figured that if I wrote this in here, then I would pretty much HAVE to do the 5K, otherwise I would be a liar. Of course, the whole Mother's Day thing is Sonny's idea. We will have to see about that. It's just something that I would like to try this year, and not that I am by any means a runner, but if it went well, maybe I could eventually do a half marathon. Yeah. That'll be the day.

Pictures of the Spoiled Rotten Child

Here's some new pictures of the little man. Enjoy.

One Spoiled Rotten Child

Note to self: Do not allow grandparents to babysit until Lukin enters school. I am learning that having a grandchild instills some inane amount of guilt so that they can't let the child fuss AT ALL or they feel like horrible grandparents. Thus introduces the spoiling of the grandchild. I don't know where this comes from and I suppose that I won't until I have grandchildren of my own. I wonder if this desire to spoil stems from an inability to spoil the child the way you want when they are your child or if it's a way of getting back at your child for how naughty they were as a result of their parents spoiling you. It's like the circle of life or something.

So I guess that this weekend, we are planning to go to Texas. Now, I have nothing against Texas, but why does it have it's own smell? My dad says it's the combination of crude oil and cow shit. His words, verbatim. I am looking forward to the break, but I think it's weird that it will be the beginning of February and we will be in Texas without snow around. I guess that means that I have lived in the midwest for my entire life.

So, my mom was looking in the paper and she found a 5 bedroom house. She says that we could all live in it together: Sonny and me, Lukin, my parents, his parents, and probably Stacie (since she will probably always live with Mom and Dad), and Sonny says to remember Ranger Rick too. Mom said that we would always have daycare whenever we want. Whatever. We would have to unbrainwash the kid from how spoiled he would be from living with the grandparents.

As you can probably tell, my parents are on their shift of daycare this week. I am enjoying having them here, and I enjoyed having Amanda here last week. I have to admit that I will be sad when it returns to Sonny's parents taking care of Lukin. This is not because it will be Sonny's parents, but because my links to back home will all be back home. However, it should be alright because I think we are going up to Grand Forks the weekend after Valentine's day.

Well, Mom is making a good supper for us so I better go and get ready to enjoy the homecooked goodness.

A round of applause for 'Jesus Loves Me'

So, I think that Lukin's schedule is all thrown off because Amanda is staying with us. It can be 7:30 pm, and he is in no way, shape, or form, ready for bed because, nigh-nigh time is just him and me and having another person there throws him off. So, finally, I took him downstairs and put him to bed, but this didn't work. He just cried and cried. So then I went upstairs, and Amanda made him another bottle and he sucked that puppy down and then we rock-a-byed with the Winnie the Pooh blankey. But that still wasn't really working, he was getting tired but he wouldn't cave, so finally I started to sing 'Jesus Loves Me' and within 5 minutes, he was sleepy-nigh-nigh.

I don't know if it makes me a bad mom, but I appreciate when he goes to sleep so I can have a little down time by myself before I go to bed. I don't know why, but I need at least one hour where I am not at work and not being mom to just unwind.

So the newest thing that Lukin has learned is how to clap. It is so cute. If you clap your hands like three times for him. He will smile really big and he will clap three times. It's so cute. But it's more like he holds one hand still and brings the other to it. It's so amazing what he learns how to do everyday. I was like, "it seems like just yesterday when you didn't know how to clap." Amanda replied, on Lukin's behalf, "It was."

More info as I think of it...

Negative, Negative, Negative...

So do you ever notice that when you have a meeting about a specific topic that someone wants to discuss, it's not really about a discussion, it's more about griping about things? This morning we had this meeting to discuss prep time and teaching social skills. It basically turned into this session for everyone to complain about what they don't like about teaching Social Skills.

Now, let me just pause here and say that teaching social skills isn't so bad. Especially since we aren't even on the IEPs for actual goals and objectives. It's just that finding the time to do the planning is horrid. I could understand when a couple of the ladies said that they had some great ideas but they just didn't have time to sit down and plan them out.

Enough about that. I vented about my caseload in general and a lady who has been here 12 years said that she thinks I am being railroaded because it's my first year. When I mentioned that I have over 80 students that I work with in a week, they freaked out. I know that the students that I provide social skills for don't count towards my child count as I am not responsible for goals and objectives, so that narrows it down by 18 kids. That's still 60 which they thought was a bit much. It is. I just thought that I was being difficult for thinking that.

So, Amanda is watching the L-man today. She sent me a text message about the kid who never sleeps. I swear, sometimes I feel the same way. It's like when it's Saturday and I just want to sleep, he wants to be wide awake and when I am okay to get up, he wants to sleep. I should just tell her to act like it's opposite day with him to see if that helps her out.

More as events warrant...

A black belt in teaching

So, okay. If you work in the field of education, you may have your biases about the way you are paid. I know I do. And I noticed this past week that everyone and their dog has to continue getting credits after college in order to keep getting paid. It's kind of nutty, but I guess you want your employees to have the most up-to-date information to work with.

So anyway, those people who are taking all these classes decide that since they are doing it anyway, they might as well get their masters out of the deal. That way, they get more money on the pay scale for having it.

Well, I personally don't think that a person should have to shell out all this money out of their pockets to continue their education so they can make more. Does it really even out? Who knows?

That's why, my friends, I thought of the system that would seem to work.

You know how we all know that one person who has their black belt in Karate, but yet we probably have no idea what that means other than it means that they are awesome in karate. Well, that's how I think the education system should pay their employees. I think there should an education belt system. Wouldn't it be fun to say that you were a black belt teacher? Come on. That way people would know that you were a good teacher and not just because you had been there since the dawn of time. Only this would be a moving scale. Just because you were a black belt doesn't mean that you get to stay there, you have to continually prove that you deserve to stay there: good lessons, good student relations, good parent relations, good staff relations, good standardized test scores...etc.

That was my brilliant idea. Of course, like all the ideas I have, it seems less brilliant once I wrote it down and even writing about it made me get bored with trying to follow through.

Have a swell day.

S.S.D.D.

I wonder what my mother-in-law would write if she had a blog. I mean, not in general, but about our place. I know that I have gone on and on about how messy our house is on numerous times and I often wonder what she thinks of the place. (Although I have to say that this past weekend the in-laws were here with my husband's aunt and uncle and they said they were glad it was messy. They said that meant there were kids here.) I liked that answer.

But seriously. I wonder if she looks at all the snowmen STILL sitting on the counter or on the window ledge and thinks, "How hard would it be for you to put this stuff away?" Maybe she understands, having bore two children herself.

I guess it's just not something I ever anticipated. I mean, I can come home with the greatest intentions of accomplishing things (currently I have at least 6 things on my Big Things to Do list.), but then I get home and there's daddy and Lukin and I want to spend time with them and once Lukin has seen me, if I try to leave the room, he cries. That makes it hard to want to walk away to go clean up some boxes or put away snowmen.

So I need to go and check my email because the special ed coordinator wants all the speech people to come to one of two meetings tomorrow, and I originally didn't think I would be able to go, but now things have changed and I may be able to attend, but the building principal is being difficult. I'm sure he's just doing his job, but if the SEC wants us to attend, don't you think she has already taken into account that there will be students who won't receive some services for one day because of the meeting? Who knows?

Well, better go finish up stuff so I can go to bed.

P.S. Tonight I made a recipe for Lukin. It was Rutabega, Carrot and Peas. It ended up being a brown-poopy color, much like you would imagine the color to be if you mixed carrots and peas. I will let you all know how he likes it.

P.P.S. I should comment about my dreams one of these days. Two nights ago, I dreamed (or is it dreamt) that I was in Las Vegas with several of my high school classmates. It was like a reunion of some sorts. Except that I kept trying to go do my own thing instead of have to follow some high school schedule. Then last night I had a dream about Greg K. It was like we were in the ballet or circus or something and we had a cat. But you know how when you have a dream, it has some surreal characteristics that make you know it's a dream. There was something about this one that made me know it was a dream. Maybe it was the idea of me owning a cat. I can't know for sure.

8 months, a gazillion boxes, and 2 teeth

So this weekend, Lukin because our eight month old baby. I was telling him this morning that he is growing up too fast. He probably hears, " Blah, blah, blah." He just likes to pull on my hair and my glasses in the morning. Although this morning, he was sitting in the hallway by the bathroom while I was doing my make-up and he was babbling. I kept trying to prompt him to say "ma-ma-ma", but he just wanted to say, "da-da-da-da". It was almost like he was doing it on purpose.

I think that Sonny and I need to discuss our plan for discipline for our son. I know that he is only 8 months old but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be thinking ahead to what to do if/when he decides to disobey. I have heard people at work talk about how an 18 month old should know what time out is. But time out with an 8-month old is pretty futile. He doesn't get it. Although, it's not like he would understand a spanking either. We will have to figure this one out.

So this weekend, I was trying to go through some of the boxes that are remaining in our place. They are those boxes that you move with 800 times and then one day go through them and realize there is no reason why you need to keep a score card from the time when you and Dave had a Song Burst contest in college. And do you really need the paper that tells you who you were matched up with in a random computer dating thing in high school. Or what happens when you run across someone else's class schedule for college. Thank goodness you have been moving with that for however long. Or what about the journals you were forced to keep in high school? Do they really say anything that is of dire importance now, over 10 years later? I doubt it. So even though some of the stuff is hard to part with, it's just time to part with, (almost) all of it.

Last interesting thing about this weekend was that I was playing with Lukin on Friday after school before Sonny and my date. He wants to put everything in his mouth so I decided to see how his teething siutation is looking (and feeling). So I put my finger in his mouth to find that he has two teeth. The two front bottom teeth. It's cute, even though you can't see them when he smiles or cries. Although, I feel as though I better take as many pictures as I can before the teeth stick out and I won't be able to adore that toothless grin anymore.

Like I said, he's growing up so fast. Before I know it, he will be looking at townhomes with his girlfriend while they finish grad school.

Not about Greg Anderson...not really

Okay, so the other day I had a comment posted poking fun at me for dedicating the entry to Greg Anderson when it was really a griping session about him bugging me on New Years. So I just wanted to recind my dedication and call it my "griping for Greg" entry. :)

So last week, I was sick as a dog. I went to work one day out of 4. My husband did some research and says that we both had the Norwalk Virus. It was horrible. By Friday afternoon, I was so tired of being tired and of sleeping so much. I was going stir crazy, but was not well enough to go anywhere. I was too afraid to even run to grab a bite to eat at some drive through. That may have been because I had no appetite but also because anytime I would eat, I would start to feel like throwing up again and need a nap. I don't recommend this to anyone.

Well, now I am tired again. I don't feel like throwing up or having the runs, but I am so tired. I feel like I could sleep an entire day away again. I was wondering if i was maybe getting sick again, but then I realized that I tend to get extremely tired right before my girly time. Yay. Though I am not looking forward to that, I would prefer three days of that to three more days of Norwalk.

My goal for today was to look like a tired college student. I think I pulled this off. I have my new jeans from Aeropostle, my new Sioux sweatshirt, hair in a ponytail and glasses on. I could either be a college kid or crawl into a corner and take a nap.

More as events warrant...

Dedicated to Greg Anderson

This entry is dedicated to New Year's Eve, and it's events and of course, as the title suggests, Greg Anderson.

I went to the airport about 4:30 on Sunday to pick up Sonny who was supposed to be arriving about 4:45. Turns out, his flight hadn't even taken off yet when I got to the airport. So I sat there and did puzzles in my book for a while and waited for him. I had a good feeling that he was going to be on the flight, because if he wasn't, he would have called me to let me know. And seeing as it was our anniversary and all, I didn't care what time he got there, just that he got there.

Well, he got there around 6-ish. So we went and checked into the Hilton and then went to eat supper. We decided that since it was getting later, we shouldn't try to go anywhere where we might have to wait for a long time so we decided to go to Speedway. It was really good, and fast, and we didn't even have to wait. I had smothered chicken and Sonny ordered stuffed shrimp and we shared. It was so good. It was a very nice anniversary dinner.

Then we went over to Amanda's aunt's house to pick her up before heading over to 'Dagwoods' (Overtime) for the evening. They were having this all you can drink taps and bar pours for $10 from 8-11. That was pretty sweet. So we all did that.

Enter Greg Anderson.

Greg Anderson got there shortly after we did and, overall, we had a pretty good time. Don't get me wrong, I love Greg Anderson, but as I suppose any spouse's friend would do, he really knows how to push my buttons. Here's the story.

So we got talking about the Christmas card that we had gotten from Annalissa. Now, I don't have a whole lot against Annalissa, except that she made it so that Sonny was too scared to have a relationship with me because he had been burned before. This in itself really pisses me off, but I digress.

Anyway, so we are talking about where Sonny put Annalissa's Christmas card that we got. (He put it at the top of all the others. He did this because there was open room there and for no other reason, but I joked him that it was otherwise.)

Now, in telling Greg about this, Greg got upset. Now Greg if I remember this differently than you do, please let me know. He didn't think that it was right that I should get to be friends with my exes but that it was okay for me to get mad at Sonny for putting a Christmas card from Annalissa at the top of all displayed cards. He also doesn't think it's right that I should get to stay in contact with my exes and even get to spend time with exes but Sonny is not allowed to do so. Greg says this is a Catch-22 of sorts. (not his words, mine).

Anyway, the more he would try to make this point to me, the madder I was getting. Greg just didn't get it. I was able to be friends with my exes because they hadn't hurt me in such a way that I wasn't able to move on to other relationships because of them. I knew, and know, that Sonny was very hurt by her and that pisses me off for multiple reasons.

I was trying to explain this to Amanda (who already knows all of this) but I was saying that my exes didn't make me afraid of relationships, and his did. His ex, unbeknownst to her, jeapardized our relationship because it made him afraid to be involved.

I know that Sonny loves me and that he doesn't love her (in that way, if at all, anymore). I also hope he knows that I love him and that while I may love other friends, even those who were exes of mine, that doesn't make them more important to me. He is my husband and I love him. It just makes me mad that going out to eat with an ex (who happens to be dating my friend with which the dinner plans were made) or talking to an ex (while at a game with my husband) is not okay because Sonny can't just up and go see his ex whenever he wants. Well, I guess I didn't know that was something he wanted. It's strange that Greg is more worked up about this than my own husband seems to be. Perhaps it's because Sonny knows I love him. Perhaps its because Sonny knows how much this ex, that Greg doesn't like me talking to, irritated me when we tried to date. Perhaps Sonny really doesn't want to spend time with, or have contact with, his ex.

I guess the bottom line is that it all comes down to principle. I understand where Greg is coming from in terms of principle. It's just that with circumstances as they are, the situations are not exactly equal. But what do I know? That's just my side of the story.

My holiday update

Good evening everyone. I know it has been a while since I have been able to write in here and I have lots to say so I will just get on with it.

My last entry came before Christmas and I have to say that my break was not near long enough. It never is. But I have to say that it was very much fun. Who knew that having a child would make the holidays seem so much more enjoyable? I guess other parents would know, but whatever...

So we got to Argusville, ND on Friday December 22nd. It took forever to get out of the cities but that was because there was some kind of accident by the Rogers exit. It was making Sonny mad because we sat in one spot for like 15 or more minutes and it took us longer to move a mile. He was crabby about it, but I was trying to ease his mind.

We got to Argusville and had about an hour to spend with Grandma and Nils before supper was ready. I had offered to give Nils the option to not have to cook, but he felt like cooking and so we had pork chops, potatoes, gravy, corn and beans. It was a really good homecooked meal.

Saturday, my aunt Mic and uncle Mark showed up at 8 am to see the baby. Then my family was there by noon (also to see the baby). But I wouldn't let anyone wake him up because he was tired and he was in a strange place and he might freak out if random people go wake him up.

Everyone wanted him to open gifts as soon as they got there. I wouldn't let them let him. Lukin didn't know what day it was (or wasn't) so he could wait. There will be plenty of that 'can I open the presents yet?' stuff in years to come.

I had been worried about the fact that Sonny and I had only bought Lukin clothes and that we didn't buy him any toys. Man was that a stupid worry. Everyone and their dog bought him a present. I suppose it's the thing to do with a new baby. It's probably fun to buy for a baby. It's probably easier that trying to buy for an adolescent or an adult. Maybe that's why we had such trouble getting everything in the car to come home.

Actually, I have to backtrack and say that we had a bit of trouble getting everything in the car to go up to ND for Christmas. What can I say? I have always gone a little ape at Christmastime. I don't think that is any different now that I have a husband and child. Even though that just meant more presents from them and to them.

Lukin got a high chair. I was happy. He also got a walker thing from Grandma and Nils but we said they could take it back (and they just gave us the money) because we want one that is stationary. We don't want him to have bad hips or legs from a walker. We haven't gotten one for him yet, and I will explain why shortly.

Lukin gots tons of toys, like I mentioned. He also gots lots of cute little outfits. It was cute to watch him go through the different Christmases with the families because the more we had, the more he seemed to get what to do when you put a present in front of him.

Now, even though he got some nice expensive things, my personal favorite gift that he got was something that I picked up for him as an afterthought at the Dollar Store. It was bubbles. It was so cute to watch his expression as he saw the bubbles for the first time and to watch him figure out that when I breathed in, there was going to be more bubbles. It was cute to watch him shake with excitement, almost like a seizure, when he saw the bubbles first come out of the wand. I loved that. It was precious. Stacie even got it on film but had to erase it because her new camera didn't have enough memory to store the video for that and other pictures. I got some still photos but I will remember it in my memories for years to come.

Now, Lukin wasn't the only one who got things for Christmas. I also got some nice things as did Sonny. It's just that we are a) grown ups and b) people want to know more about what Lukin got. People care about your first Christmas, not so much about your 30th and 39th. And if he should happen to read this, I do love the Opal necklace that I got from Sonny, contrary to what he might believe.

After Christmas, we did the whole shopping the day after thing. That is always one of those things that I can never figure out. Why do we submit ourselves to the chaos that is the malls the day after Christmas? It's like going there the day after Thanksgiving. We would never do that. We're nuts I guess.

So, Sonny felt it was his duty to entertain Stacie's boyfriend who had spent the holidays with us. So he asked if he could take him to BWW for a beer and some sports instead of being bored sitting at the mall while the girls shopped. So we let them. But I have to say, I didn't have a problem with it like everyone thought I did (letting Sonny go). However, Stacie was the one who was freaking out later when the boys tried to tell us they had two beers (when they really had 4, 22 oz-ers). It made for an interesting end to the boyfriend at Christmas experience.

We spent a couple days in Cavalier before taking Sonny to GF to go to the airport to come back to the cities to work so he could come back for our anniversary. Actually, he was just there overnight on Wednesday. I stayed until Saturday. Then I headed to GF to hang out with Amanda for a night before Sonny came back and we celebrated New Year's (and our anniversary) together. Lukin spent the weekend with Grandma and Grandpa Spangelo.

Amanda and I had fun dinking around, as we normally do. But it sure snowed a lot and that made for an interesting day and evening. I went shopping and she worked and then we went looking at Christmas lights (a tradition of ours). Then we went back to Amanda's and hung out until we were too tired to visit anymore and went to sleep til morning. Amanda's mom made us Huevos Rancheros for breakfast and Amanda made me those two one cookies with the oatmeal and the chocolate. It was a pretty fun day.

More later...