That time of year

It is once again that time of year where I start to get all freaked out about my non-tenure-ship, which leads me to financial insecurity which leads me to wonder how I went to school and came away with my Master's degree only to worry about money, which leads me to feeling like a failure in my career choice, etc. etc.

So last night, Sonny and I decided that we wanted to have DQ for dessert. And as many of you know, I am a slow eater, especially when it comes to ice cream. So, he finished up and then, because I wasn't done, we drove around to look at houses. This is something we do from time to time because eventually our townhouse lease will be up and because the housing market is hot for people looking to buy a house (or so I hear). Whenever we see a house that is for sale, we tend to stop and pick up a paper, if there is one, so that we can see what houses in that particular neighborhood go for, and what types of features that house may have.

Last night, we picked one up for a house that was selling for $352,000 in an older neighborhood and it was built in 1992. Are you effin kidding me? When the district that I currently work in "decided" that I didn't need a full time position for this academic school year, that cut my salary by slightly over $9,000. Through the grapevine, I have heard that I may be able to return to my position again next year, but that it would be another cut, to .6, which would equal another approximately $9,000 pay cut. Are you effin kidding me again? I am sorry but I can't work in a district that cuts my salary by nearly $20,000 over two years time. Let alone the fact that another time cut would leave me and my family without health insurance. (Of course, we could always go on my husband's but when we got married and looked at the benefits, we decided that mine were better).

I don't even want to think about these things. But I have to. I have to figure out a way to get back to where my salary should be: slightly over double what I made my first year as an SLP. When I finished grad school, and started working as a "grown-up" I was proud of the fact that I went to school those additional years and was able to make a comfortable living. Now, I am not saying that getting married and having a child makes it impossible to make a comfortable living working in the field of education. I mean there were people who had been working for several years in the tiny town I started in that were both in education and had multiple children and were living just fine.

It's just that if I keep taking salary cuts, pretty soon I won't be making any more money than I was making when I left ND. Then why did I leave? I mean granted I would be making what I made in ND working three days a week instead of 5, but as was aforementioned, the salary of working 5 is easier to live with.

So what options do I have? Well, I could begin looking for a job elsewhere. That is no fun. I don't want to start a new job again. I am tired of that. I am ready for a certain level of stability after working in this profession for 6 years. I hate having to learn a new building every year. I don't want to work in my .2 school again, but I don't want to learn another one either.

I could go back to school. But that would be costly. I looked into it this morning. It would cost over $10,000 to go back and take around 28 credits to get a certificate. Granted, if I found a job in the area that the certificate would qualfiy me for, it would be well worth the $10,000 extra of schooling. But are you kidding? For now, we don't have $10,000 laying around. Note my pay cut option to work where I am for next year.

I am stressed and sad. I don't know how to fix this. I mean, not being tenured makes me feel really shaky about my performance. It's like if I don't get tenured somewhere, then I can't specialize what I do. I can't specialize in Autism one year only to work with SPMI the next and EBD the next. I feel like my heart was more into this when I first started than it is now. And I don't know how to fix that.